I'm...dreaming of no....Christmas....

So, we're home and not having fun with our families. Not giving them the gifts I spent hours making. Not giving them the gifts we saved money for weeks to buy. We're not having fun with gifts we gave eachother...cause money has been too tight to do so (we decided to get eachother presents in February).

This sucks. Granted, the brunt of it sucking is due to the, so they say, inevitable winter weather that is headed our way. They never treat Bass Mountain Rd for snow or ice so it's not a good idea to go out anywhere for long periods of time when there's the chance the weather could take turn for the worst.

But even more so, the biggest reason this sucks is because of the bullshit importance people invest in this day. And I don't want to hear that "it's one day out of the year where you can be nicer and jolly and blah blah blah" cause we should all be nicer and more jolly all year around. We give in to materialism, I'm guilty of this as well. Spoil our children with toys and the occasional practical gift. There are those who invest time and thought and feeling into their gifts, but I really feel this is rarer than one would think. The more I meditate on the subject the sicker I feel. Really. "It's a day to spend with your families" Whatever. You should spend more time with your families anyway, if they're important to you. I find it insulting that that's an excuse. Like I'm not important enough to spend any 'real' time with, but since everyone else spends time with their families on this day I guess we should too. And how can you not be sickened by the overt, nonstop commercialism? It's bloody disgusting.


...I'm sorry if you read this and it dampened your 'spirits'. Have a beer and get over it.

I'm pissed off cause I wanted to see nephew and give him the lightsaber I bought him, yes I'm guilty of the commercialism bull too, but I never said I wasn't a hypocrite.

It's beginning to look a lot like Bullshit...

So, it's no mystery to those that are close to me that Christmas is not a favorite holiday of mine.

Humbug, Grinchitude, whatever...call it what you will, but my overall disdain for this time of year is well rooted in legitimacy.

So, let's begin...

First off, I used to work retail and yes, I worked retail through two Christmas'. Some people claim that this holiday transforms people into greedy s.o.b.'s that have to make the holiday perfect for their loved ones because their loved ones matter more than anyone's. While this is a close observation, it's not true, however the truth is far more distressing. Instead of transforming people all this holiday does it bring whats buried down deep inside most people bubbling up to the surface; the whole greedy, s.o.b. thing. People clog retail outlets clawing at, often, meaningless garbage to stuff in stockings and shove under trees to make people smile on that fateful morning, which, ya know, is just beautiful; making someone smile with products. Things. Consume, conform, and obey, America.

And even worse about this time of year is the fact that society, and more importantly, Christians, accepted this holiday as the birth of their savior because the Church decreed it so. It is a suject of great debate, but if one were to do the research I feel they would come to the same conclusion most, along with myself have, and that is that the man named Jesus was born sometime in the Spring and the early Christians decided to celebrate on the 25th of December to steal attention away from several Pagan holidays that all happened around that date. Being a pagan, and more importantly, one who celebrates the Festival of Yule, I find this time of year to be...overly offensive. I try my best to shrug it off, as I know deep down inside of me it doesn't really matter, but with the almost continuous holiday music on the T.V. and the just completely irritating Christmas messages plaguing my Facebook newsfeed it's hard to 'shrug' it all away.

I guess what all this really is is me telling more people to rise above ignorance.

A strange occurance...

Okay. This happened a month ago. I didn't think to post anything about it until now for some unknown reason, but maybe posting it will get the attention of others and perhaps I can find some people who have had the same, if not similar, experience.

Before I recount the event in question I will state that I'm a strange guy. I've dabbled in some strange things. And I seen some even stranger things. I've done drugs. I drink. And I dream. That being said, I feel very confident in A.) my sanity, and B.) my grasp on the real, physical world, and C.) my understanding of the Esoteric, Spiritual side of things.

Now, the event in question occurred the night of Tuesday, October 26th or in the early morning hours of Wednesday, October 27th. I spent that evening reminiscing with an old friend of mine and preparing myself for a callback on a possible theatre job. My fiance, Vicki, was away I Ohio, tending to a family affair so I went to be by myself that evening and relatively early, as I recall. Though I cannot be certain of exactly 'when' it occurred I can't help but feel it was right after I had finally fallen asleep. Being extremely photosensitive I awoke when a bright light was inexplicably shining from the bathroom door into the bedroom. All the lights in the bathroom were switched off and the dim, bluish light from the bathroom window wasn't bright enough to shine in the way this particular light was shining. The bathroom door was pushed almost to the closed position. After a few seconds the source of the light moved around the edge of the door and into the bedroom. The best way I can describe it is that it looked like a glass rod, about 4 feet long, floating off the floor, that had many beams of light shining from it in all different directions parallel to the ground. The rod moved to the foot of the bed and stopped. Then all the 'beams of light' stopped moving and focused together on one side of the room and then passed over me from right to left. While this was happening, I was frantically searching behind me to find the cordless phone we keep in our room. The LED screen is so bright that it almost lights up the whole room. I found the phone and pressed the screen, pointed it toward the object but then it was gone.

My heart was pounding. I sat there for a few moments, awe struck. Then I though, "Okay, I need my dogs to get in the bed with me." I shined the phone to my left on my dog, Java, who was on the floor a few feet from the bed. When I saw him I was a little more frightened. Java seemed to be 'frozen' like he was laying down and started to get up but only half of him got up. I stared at him for a moment and then called his name. He did not move. Again, a little louder. He shook his body and stood up, coming to the bed, but when I patted the bed he would not get up in the bed with me. I even grabbed his collar and pulled him up onto the bed and he immediately jumped down. My other dog, Zen, was, I presume anyway, passed out in the bathroom.

After a few moments, I shook my head and said to my, "I have a long, hard day tomorrow, I don't have time for this shit" and I stuck my head under my pillow and went to sleep.

Since this happened I've thought about it a number of times and talked it over with a few people. They, along with me, are baffled and have little to nothing to say in response. I don't feel like this was a "spiritual" experience. It 'felt' mechanic. Like it was too precise, to geometric to be ethereal.

I don't know what to think, but maybe posting it will help me find some answers.

Ai! Ai! Cthulhu fthagn!!!!

Soooo...

Lately...I've been in this sort transitionary state of being. Gears are turning.

For one thing, the zombie film I've been acting in, "A Few Brains More: Summer of Blood" is wrapping up. I'm really anxious to see it. Everyone involved has worked so hard on it and if a fraction of that comes through to the audience then it's going to be a fantastic, albeit campy, film. Very entertaining, that's for sure. I'm also anxious about going to a convention as a guest and showing it to an audience and seeing their reactions.

I sure do love making movies.

I have to make this pay-off in the next year. What little paying theatre work I'm getting is great, but if I can't profit from my true ambition, which is film, I need to rethink a few things.
I'll be turning 25 soon and that's my cut-off point. The point where I want to have it figured out. Now, I know I don't have to have it figured out by then, but I'd like to. It's been a goal of mine. It's good to have goals. But I've made a decision... if I can't make this film thing work before I turn 26 then I'm going to culinary school to be a chef. I like cooking. And I could make a decent living doing that.

I want to make movies. I feel like I should be making movies. And I feel that things are in the works. Things I can't zero in on, but that I feel and I have this ambiguous confidence that things are coming together.

In other news...I'll be getting things started for my "prop shop" soon. Still have to get my jigsaw and airbrush, but that will be happening very soon. I'm hoping to have at least 4-5 film quality prop/replicas built by the time Conooga gets here in February. If I can get the ball rolling on that I should be able to stir up some bank to invest in some of these movie ideas I've got.

Things are definitely happening. Just have to be patient.

The winds of change...

I couldn't help but notice a slight change in the wind this evening...

I've been pursuing acting as a career for about 6 years now. I've been working to improve my skills. Building my resume with what work I could find. Now, I have an opportunity to get a rather significant paying theatre job. I auditioned and tomorrow I have my callback. My nerves are shuttering. My mind is reeling. And I'm afraid.

This means more to me than I can put into words. I don't just want this. I need this. This is it. This has to happen.

It's all been leading up to this.

My prayers can't help but linger around making these winds the winds of real change for my life.

Sig Nauthiz.
Sig Jera.
Sig Uruz.
Sig Fehu.
Aesir, Vanir Heill!!!

Props Update 2

Prop Update